Today, I'm celebrating and honoring myself by releasing the filial and karmic debt I've accrued, acknowledging that my ancestors are dead and don't give a shit about what I do with my life.
I know that being a musician and having been a sex worker is not 'honorable' to my family. But I need to live for myself, my mental health is just as valuable. My sense of obligation isn't completely gone anyway, I see this as a way to show up for my kids. By unburdening myself to be fully present with them, and learning to live more authentically.
I struggle with adopting beliefs that my family has about filial piety and ancestor worship, but that does not mean their beliefs are invalid. They absolutely are! But I am honoring myself by being honest. Maybe it's my autism that makes me skeptical, or the drive for autonomy (also an autism thing I hear).
I also release the guilt from disappointing my parents. I hate that it's seen as a sort of 'win' for white supremacy in my eyes, turning my back on my culture. But I can't lie to myself, and I can't put pressure on myself anymore for something that doesn't resonate.
The song can be streamed on Spotify or anywhere really, and you can download from Bandcamp
Carol Bui: vocals, guitar, drums,
percussion, lyrics, composition
Aaron Leitko: bass
TJ Lipple: Engineering, Mixing
Vlado Meller: Mastering
RELEASE DATE: MAY 23, 2023
FORMAT: DIGITAL
CATALOG # EXF073
Cover ART by HARUKA SATO